Sadly, this experience mirrors my journey a little too closely. During the next several blog posts, I'm going to go through my personal experiences with weight loss, then do my best to describe what I believe has happened to my body, and lastly look forward to what I intend to do in order to rehab myself back to a healthy lifestyle. The short answer is that there IS hope, but what there isn't is any quick fixes. People like Wally Bishop from Vive Shake have proven that there is a path out, and that you can experience freedom from these chains. The journey isn't easy, especially if you've already fallen prey to the "weight loss" industry, but it's real and it works.
At the end of Rob's Big Losers in 2012, I was in better shape than I had been my entire adult life, and I felt empowered to take a hold of my fitness and nutrition and be different. Throughout 2012 I continued to gain strength on the bike. From conquering Paris Mountain in January I went on to climb Ceaser's Head, Green River Cove, and Skyuka Mountain. It felt amazing to have no limits! At that point I made the decision to participate in the 2013 Assault on Mt Mitchell. I didn't have any excuse to not try, even though I had only been riding for a year at that point.
|before and after RBL 2012|
|On top of Skyuka!|
Looking back on the past 4 years, it was the holiday season of 2012 that was the first "warning sign" for me. I took a week off the bike during Thanksgiving, and my weight ballooned up. I gained 15-20 lbs in the course of that week, topping off at 228. With my sights on Mitchell, and my energy levels still high, I redoubled my training efforts and immediately saw that weight drop back off. Throughout the winter I kept hammering hard and topped off my training with a late April scouting trip to the top of Mitchell, the highest point east of the Mississippi River. I felt amazing, but exhausted. The next month I completed the Assault at a time a 8:38.
I blamed the 50 minute difference in moving time versus total time on my lack of execution on my fueling plan, and not stopping. While this is true, this was likely my second "warning" that something was wrong. Throughout the rest of 2013 I felt nearly unstoppable. I was fast, strong, and able to conquer anything that I put my mind up against. I was climbing like a billy goat, and enjoying life.
As 2014 started, a really good friend of mine started to train for AOMM. Meanwhile, I had decided to give a try to a new ride starting that year, the Beech Mountain Metric. Almost every weekend we were up in the mountains around Flat Rock, NC. With the Assault on the Carolinas in April as a warm up, we both had our sights on big goals in 2014. With about 3 weeks left to go before AOTC, we went on a scouting trip on the course. We started near Table Rock, SC and completed all of the featured climbs of the Assault. It was an amazing day, but it took it's toll on me. By the time we got back I felt completely drained. This was the first time where I really felt like something was wrong.
After that ride, I never quite recovered. I took much of April off, and didn't have the Assault on the Carolinas that I had originally planned on. I started doubting if I'd complete the Beech Mountain Metric, and ended up canceling my trip up to ride in the event. I said it was purely about the costs of travel, but the reality was that I didn't feel like I had trained properly to be prepared for it, and my energy levels were low.
|ATOC 2013 - photo credit Hank Birdsong|
In late May I finally got some mojo back, and started to train in earnest for the 2014 Ride to Remember. I doubled down on my efforts, starting to do 2-a-day training sessions (lunch and after work) to get myself back together. I completed an 80-mile solo ride to complete a Strava time challenge. While I felt like I was "getting back", I was also getting more tired. By the time I completed the Ride to Remember, I was exhausted. That didn't stop me from going out training while on vacation in Charleston, though.
It wasn't until October that I really started to feel the effects, though. I had been given a free entry into the Hincapie Gran Fondo that year, and I really wanted to attempt the Gran (80 mile) route. I had decided against it in 2012, knowing that I didn't have the training to complete the grueling challenge. I completed the ride, minus Green River Cove, but it really did a number to me both physically and psychologically. When I got to Howard Gap, I was broken. If a SAG vehicle had come by, I am sure I would have climbed in. I attempted to walk the climb, but after 15 minutes I hadn't managed to get a quarter mile. I finally decided to "paper boy" my way up the climb (zig-zagging across the road). It was a bad decision to attempt the course, and I knew it.
I ended up taking much of November and December off. Between non-ideal weather days and lack of energy, I just didn't have the mental power to force myself onto the bike. My 40th birthday came and went without a lot of fanfare, but I did manage to gift myself an extra 15 lbs of weight, along with a bunch of guilt. By January I had decided I had to get back on the bike and get the weight off. I started to ride again, as well as working on dieting and strength training. By May I was back down to 215, but I was experiencing a lot of anguish trying to keep on my training schedule. I'd wake up early on a Saturday morning to go train, and I'd have panic attacks and stomach issues. Going out for rides during lunch (which I had previously done regularly without any reservation) became a chore. Keeping to my training plan was a burden. I attributed it to other personal issues, but the reality is that my body was begging me to pay attention to the stress I was putting on it. Instead I kept to the mantra of "mind over matter", and kept pushing.
|AOTC 2015 - photo credit Hank Birdsong|
I completed the 2015 Ride to Remember with the "front group", but was completely taxed by the end. I didn't end up doing any rides afterwards, and started to struggle to find the energy to go on rides. The thing that had been my fitness vehicle and gives me great joy was now giving me extreme stress. Compounding this was the fact that I was gaining weight fast, even when I was attempting to keep to a reasonable meal strategy. I started blaming it on my relationship with food; I believed the problem was my ability to do things.
By January I was up to a hefty 237, and I was desperate to find a new solution. I had attempted to begin a new training plan on Zwift (bicycle training simulator) early in November. My lack of energy along with my father-in-law getting gravely ill ment that it only lasted about 2 weeks. Over the holidays my apparent IT Band issues got worse, culminating in discovering that I actually had a torn meniscus (knee cartilage) and I need to start a new round of rehab and find my "new normal". I had not been riding consistently; I had been working on rucking (brisk walking with a weighted pack) as a way to get some exercise into my life. I was to a level of depression about not understanding what had happened to my body.
By February my knee was feeling better, and I found riding helped it more than hurt it, so I started training again. What I found was a continuation of the fact that I could "force" myself to ride in my old training regime for a week or two, but then the extreme fatigue would set in and I'd feel worse for several days afterward. I was slowly losing weight, but I didn't feel energized. Just day to day activities became a struggle.
I decided well before the bad weather showed up that this year I'd rather do the short route for the Assault on the Carolinas. I had attempted Caeaser's Head shortly beforehand and I was exhausted and in pain by the time I reached the top. I hadn't completed a metric century since the end of RTR last year, and I wasn't ready to risk my knee. I had a blast on the shorter route (I'd actually highly recommend it, honestly), it was another signal about what my body was telling me.
At this point it takes me 2 or 3 days to start feeling motivated to ride again after a major effort. Even events that I am over the moon excited about I can get terrified over the night before or day of. The "I really regret that workout yesterday... said no one ever"? Yeah, I guess I'm starting to be no one. After bigger rides I regret it for not having the energy to spend time with the kids and be active. At this point sometimes my wife has to give me a nudge to find the energy to go out. This report was a shocking "wake up call" on what my body had been telling me.
Next - what my body was trying to tell me that I was doing (overdraft protection).